How Boudoir Photography Helped Me After Crohn’s Disease and a Colostomy

A Letter to Women Like Me: How I Found My Confidence Again

(By Mrs. W.)

There was a time I truly believed my life was over.

Not in the dramatic sense, but in the quiet way, the way you stop feeling like a woman and start feeling like you’re just existing. Like you’re only here to survive, to care for others, to get through the day.

If you’re reading this and you feel even a little bit like that, I want you to know something right now.

You are not alone.

The Day Everything Changed

Eight years ago, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease.

My health declined fast, and I became seriously unwell, so unwell that I nearly died. I had to have an emergency operation, and that operation saved my life.

But it also changed my body forever.

I woke up with a colostomy bag.

It’s hard to explain what that does to your confidence unless you’ve lived it. People see the physical side, but what they don’t always see is the emotional side, the identity side.

Suddenly, I didn’t recognise myself.

I Stopped Seeing Myself

After that, I hid.

I hid behind baggy clothes. I avoided mirrors. I avoided anything that might make me feel vulnerable. I carried self doubt around like it was part of my body too.

And the truth is, I didn’t just lose confidence in my body.

I lost confidence in me.

I’m a mother to my own children, and I’m also a foster carer. I love them fiercely, with everything in me. But my days were full of everyone else’s needs, everyone else’s feelings, everyone else’s problems.

There was little time, and even less energy, for myself.

And I was in a marriage that often felt thankless.

Somewhere along the way I stopped seeing myself as a woman, and started seeing myself as someone who just had to keep going.

The Unexpected Moment That Started My Healing

Then something happened that I never expected.

My daughter saw Sarah’s boudoir competition on Facebook, and she entered it for me.

When she told me, my first reaction was fear.

I thought, how could I do something like that?

But underneath that fear was something else too.

A tiny spark.

A part of me that missed feeling like a woman.

Meeting Sarah, and Feeling Seen Again

After speaking to Sarah in depth, everything started to shift.

We met, and we talked about everything.

Not just the shoot, but me.

What I wanted from it. What my vision was. What I was afraid of. What I needed.

And most importantly, we talked about what we were going to do with my friend, “the bag.”

I call it my friend now because for years I treated it like my enemy.

Something that ruined me. Something that took from me. Something I needed to hide.

But Sarah didn’t make me feel ashamed.

Speaking with her gave me back my confidence, because she made me feel safe, seen, and understood.

She didn’t look at me like I was broken.

She looked at me like I was powerful.

The Day of the Boudoir Shoot

When the day came, I was nervous.

Actually, nervous doesn’t even cover it.

I was so nervous that I brought my friend with me to the shoot, because I needed someone there who knew me, who understood me, and who could help me feel brave enough to walk through that door.

And I’m so glad I did.

Because once I stepped in front of that camera, something incredible happened.

The lens didn’t see my illness.

It didn’t see my colostomy.

It didn’t see scars or fear or everything I thought I had lost.

It saw me.

The woman I had forgotten I was.

Strong. Resilient. Beautiful.

And yes, sensual too.

For the first time in years, I saw myself the way everyone else sees me.

And it was empowering.

Seeing the Photos Changed Everything

When I saw the images, it hit me like a wave.

My life wasn’t over.

My confidence wasn’t gone, it was just buried underneath survival mode.

The shoot didn’t erase my struggles.

It didn’t change my past.

But it changed how I saw myself.

It helped me reclaim my body.

My identity.

My self respect.

My Husband Left, But I Didn’t Lose Myself This Time

Not long after, my husband left.

And I’m not going to pretend that didn’t hurt.

Because it did.

But what I will say is this.

I no longer see myself through his eyes, or through the life that made me feel small.

I’m learning to see myself through my own eyes.

And through the strength it took to survive everything I’ve survived.

Why Wall Art Matters More Than People Think

Now, my walls are filled with images that remind me of who I am.

I love wall art, and for me it isn’t “just decoration.”

It’s healing.

It’s a daily reminder that I’m allowed to take up space.

That I’m allowed to be seen.

That my body is not something to hide.

That I’m more than my illness.

More than my bag.

More than what life has done to me.

To Any Woman Reading This

If you are reading this and you feel unseen, undervalued, or disconnected from yourself, I want you to hear me clearly.

It is not too late.

You are not broken.

Your body is not the enemy.

Your life is not over.

Your beauty is not diminished.

And your story is far from finished.

Seeing yourself the way others see you is a gift.

And it can change everything.

A Note to Women Thinking About a Shoot

If you’re reading this and you’ve been thinking, I could never do that, please hear me when I say this: I thought that too.

I thought my body wasn’t worth photographing. I thought I’d feel ashamed. I thought my bag would be the only thing anyone would see.

But it wasn’t.

The truth is, you don’t need to “wait until you feel confident” to do something like this. Sometimes you do it to find your confidence again.

So if you’re a woman living with Crohn’s, a colostomy, scars, stretch marks, trauma, heartbreak, or just years of putting yourself last, I want you to know you still deserve to feel beautiful.

If the idea of a shoot has ever crossed your mind, even for a second, take it as your sign. Reach out, ask the questions, have the conversation, and allow yourself the chance to be seen properly.

Because you are still you.
You are still worthy.
And your life is not over.

Sarah xxxx